Yesterday Caleb and I were talking about marriage, length of relationships, what makes them work, what doesn't work, etc. We both agreed that the number one thing that has made our marriage strong is remembering that we are on the SAME team.
In a world where being your own person is always talked about and loving your spouse for who they are is rarely talked about, we're trained from an early age to think about marriage in the wrong way.
Caleb and I are completely different. Completely. If you know me in real life, say amen. AMEN.
But it works for us. We've had our hard times where I've wondered how I could marry someone so disorganized and he's probably wondered how he found the most OCD person on the planet, but we're both learning to compromise - to meet each other halfway. This means that dirty dishes stay in the kitchen overnight, but not for a
month week. Ahem.
Here's the key though - if we're going to be different than our spouse, we need to realize that they are different from us. What? This means they don't approach life exactly like we do and it also means they react differently. This doesn't make them wrong - this makes them different. The Five Love Languages by Dr. Chapman is one of the best books you will ever read in regards to this. Learning your spouse's love language is KEY!
We're a self centered generation, it's true. The sooner we all realize that, the sooner we can fix it. I was talking to a close friend about marriage a few weeks ago and she said, "I want to approach marriage with the intent of making my husband the happiest he's ever been." Can you imagine what this simple act would do for marriage in our generation?
We'd talk a little less about ourselves and we'd be thinking of ways to bless our spouse. We'd worry a little bit less about our happiness and a little bit more about theirs. This is called cause and effect people. This type of thinking would get us the effect we're all looking for - a better marriage.
Marriage is on the battlefield right now - it's being fought over ferociously. The world is teaching us to find ourselves (oh dear), to find someone that completes us (no one can do this), and to live life before you settle down (so marriage is not living life?). I'm passionate about this people because this is MY generation that is experiencing the attack on marriage. Recognize the problems in your marriage for what they probably are - an attack. Don't fight against your spouse, fight against the situation, the lies, the incorrect perceptions - these are what you need to be fighting against. If you and your spouse can choose to be a team and to take on life as a team, your marriage will thrive.
Found this printable this morning that is perfect for anyone trying to re-pattern their thinking on marriage.