Worship of Safety

So many times I hold myself back from embracing new opportunities or trying something different because I haven’t done it before.  I decide to sell myself short and limit my influence in order to stay within my comfort zone.  I choose to ignore His voice and His direction because I am afraid I won’t be received. 

I’m too young, I’m inexperienced, I don’t have the right personality – these are all thoughts I believe as truth instead of believing what God says about me.

Sounds a bit like Moses, a man that heard God’s voice audibly… 

Moses objected, “They won’t trust me. They won’t listen to a word I say. They’re going to say, ‘God? Appear to him? Hardly!”. . . Moses raised another objection to God: “Master, please, I don’t talk well. I’ve never been good with words, neither before nor after you spoke to me. I stutter and stammer.”. . . God said, “And who do you think made the human mouth? And who makes some mute, some deaf, some sighted, some blind? Isn’t it I, God? So, get going.  I’ll be right there with you – with your mouth! I’ll be right there to teach you what to say.” Excerpts from Exodus 4

But you know what?  God used Moses to lead the Israelites out of slavery - a man that stuttered, that feared how he would be received and then elevated his fears over God’s voice.  This is a Bible story we’ve heard time and time again – but are we applying it to our life? Are we accepting the responsibility that God has given us to speak freedom into His children’s lives?  Are we trusting that He will give us the words and that He will go before us?  How I wish doubt and fear wasn’t a part of so many areas in my life.  That I believed the truth that He is handing to me – you are loved, you are My vessel and I will pour out My spirit through you

The worship of safety emasculates greatness

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Life Unmasked

Thoughts for a Sunday Morning

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.

The Paradoxical Commandments by Dr. Kent M. Keith

His Spirit

“From the outside, you may not be able to tell the difference between a girl ridden with guilt and a girl freed by grace. But there is an overwhelming difference between the two. Good girls see Jesus as someone to copy. Free women listen to the voice of his Spirit who dwells inside us.” Grace for the Good Girl

Love the truth in this – because our relationship with Jesus is not about following a list of rules and checking a bunch of boxes, it’s about His Spirit dwelling in our hearts to the point that we are overflowing with His goodness and cannot help but respond.

Rules, guidelines, lists, and requirements – they put knots in my stomach and put an ache in my soul, because I know the damage they can cause.  I know the heartache and turmoil that ensues from an intuition portraying God as a task master instead of a loving Father.

I am overwhelmed at the freedom God has given me, to live through Him and because of Him.  His Spirit has also brought a perception that can sometimes be a weight, because at times I feel the oppression that cannot be seen with the eyes. Thankful that God intercedes for us when we cannot find the words.

Be Brave. Speak Truth. Be a Defender.

“I swore never to be silent whenever human beings endure suffering and humiliation. We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.” Elie Weisel

I have intimate experience with being the victim in a situation and close friends making the decision to not choose a side, but to just straddle the fence.  I have grappled with this over and over again, because I am such a black and white person. I have asked God to give me grace to realize that taking a stand and choosing a side is hard, but if I am being honest it has been painful and still is painful to feel as though our hearts are not worth people putting themselves on the line for.  

I believe it has taught me and Caleb how important it is to us that we are people that will stand in the gap for others. That we will call out injustice, declare truth and proclaim liberty.  Because I have felt vulnerable and defenseless, I want to rescue those that feel the same.  God is a righteous judge and He is our strong defender and I cling to that truth every day.  God also wants us to have people in our lives that surround us, lift us up and support us. 

Elijah said to Elisha, “Stay here; the LORD has sent me to Bethel.” But Elisha said, “As surely as the LORD lives and as you live, I will not leave you.” So they went down to Bethel. 2 Kings 2:2

But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity. Proverbs 17:17

Earlier this week Caleb and I were talking about a conversation I had with someone in regards to a topic I am really passionate about.  I told him what I had said and he said “You REALLY said that?” and I said, “Yes, the way I see it there are two options.  The first is to keep silent and allow intolerable things to go on. The second is to stop being afraid, make people a bit uncomfortable with the truth and stop injustice!” Because if we are honest with ourselves, fear stops us from standing up for victims.  Fear of offending someone, fear of being too passionate about something, fear of people thinking we’re too extreme, fear of putting ourselves out there and taking a stand that we’ll actually have to stand for too. 

I struggle with this fear every day, so I am not saying any of this to gush about how brave or not brave I am, but to express that through suffering, blurriness goes away and truth becomes clear.  It is important that we are confident enough in our God and in His truth that we stand up and call it like it is.  As Christians, we should not allow oppressors to have a comfortable existence.  Oppressors count on people being too scared or too complacent to question them.  We have to stop tolerating abuse, neglect, and scarring hypocrisy.

Be Brave. Speak Truth. Be a Defender.

Red Letter Words

Are You Ready?

There are many times that I look to the future and I ignore the present.  I wish for bigger things.  I want different opportunities.  I want to meaningfully minister.  I want to be a world changer. 


Sometimes I feel like I am going no where. That I am just circling in an endless holding pattern.  


Then God speaks and He says. . . 


are you ready for it? if I gave you everything you wanted right now, would you be wise enough to steward it well? would you be mature enough for the responsibility of people's hearts? do you feel the weight of what you are asking?

Every heartbreak I am experiencing now, every race I am running, every dream I am waiting on - they are all molding me, building character in me - to prepare me for my future.  I look at all of the amazing things I was able to experience in 2011 and I am grateful, so grateful for this adventure I am on.  I am striving to stop striving.  To appreciate the refining, knowing that it is strengthening me for what is ahead.


Caleb and I have been having a lot of talks about what the future holds and while it is exciting, there are so many unknowns.  I'm thankful that I am confident in the fact that God has a plan, He is faithful, and He isn't through with me yet.


Reminds of me a beautiful truth sung by Ginny Owens, "No I'm not who I was when I took my first step nd I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet. So if all of these trials bring me closer to You, then I will go through the fire if You want me to"

Lift Up Your Eyes ~ Never Forget

Sometimes the amount of brokenness in the world just makes me want to run and hide.  Selfishly, I long to be ignorant again. . .to be unaware of the pain and suffering that is all around me.


This week has been rough.  Our church family lost a dearly loved Atlanta Police Officer.  Having just spoken to her last Sunday and then handing out memorial ribbons this Sunday . . . how quickly life can change takes my breath away. 


A close childhood friend lost her grandfather this weekend.  I talked to her this past week and they were expecting at least a few more weeks, but they were only given a few more days.  Nothing about life is predictable.


I read this blog today and I'm reminded that there are people without friends or families to comfort them and I'm sad that I've forgotten. That they've been forgotten.


I see a piece about foster children in Georgia on the news and my heart breaks, thinking about these children without a home. Children every day that are aging out of the system and don't have a family, a mentor or even a place to call home - no where to go.  


I remember that there are over 500,000 children in foster care right now and 120,000 of those are ready to be adopted and are just waiting for a family.  Children are without families.  Then I get angry because I remember that there are over 320,000 churches in America and there are STILL children without families.  If 2 families out of each church in America fostered or adopted a child. . .there would be no  more children in America without a home.


I listen to the radio and I hear a woman talk about the redemption she has found in Jesus and that now she knows the hope of LIFE and she says LIFE like its the biggest gift she's ever been given because she knows what DEATH feels like and I choke up, because I take life for granted all of the time.


I feel paralyzed by it sometimes. . .there is only one of me and the sheer vastness of need makes me feel like I'm defeated before I've even started. . .but I know that's not true.  I know God will give me the strength to play the role He wants me to play and I can only hope that my eyes stay open.  That I never forget.


"The Spirit of the LORD is upon Me, Because He has anointed Me To preach the gospel to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives And recovery of sight to the blind, To set at liberty those who are oppressed" Luke 4:18


“A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,  is God in his holy dwelling.  God sets the lonely in families.” Psalm 68:5-6a



“Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world.” James 1:27



"Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." Isa 41:10

What Do I Know of Holy?

What Do I Know of Holy? ~ Addison Road

I made You promises a thousand times
I tried to hear from Heaven
But I talked the whole time
I think I made You too small
I never feared You at all, no...
If You touched my face would I know You?
Looked into my eyes could I behold You?

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were mighty to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees

What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And a God who gave life "its" name?
What do I know of Holy?
Of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows Your name
On earth and heaven above
What do I know of this love?

A Mary Heart in a Martha World

I've been reading a book for the past two years awhile and I finally finished it this morning.  It's called Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World by Joanna Weaver.   This book had a wonderful message with some excellent thoughts.  The last chapter was absolutely timely in my life right now.  The chapter's focus was on perseverance, "perseverance is one of our responsibilities in this process of being changed."  I am learning what it means to persevere in many things - whether it be education, the workplace, home-life, friendships, etc.  But what I'm really learning to persevere about?  My journey with God.

Persevere
to persist in anything undertaken;
maintain a purpose in spite of difficulty, obstacles, or discouragement; continue steadfastly.

No one ever promised it would be easy, but exactly what is easy?  If I want world changing and life altering to happen in my story, God has to be a part of it.   And if God is going to be a part of it, He has to change me from the inside out.  This is the process I must continue steadfastly through.  The next piece of this is surrender.  I have to surrender everything to Him.

Surrender

to yield (something) to the possession or power of another; 

deliver up possession of on demand or under duress

I have to surrender my desire for perfection, my desire to look competent, and my desire to please others - and I have to lay this at the foot of the cross.  Daily.  Because my experience with God is that He'll let us tackle life on our own for as long as we want, until we realize we can't do it on our own and we're totally and completely spent.  I want to gain enough maturity to avoid this type of exhaustion all together.

Mother Teresa said, "He will use you to accomplish great things on the condition that you believe much more in His love than in your own weakness."  Let this be true of me ~ that I believe in His power more than my shortcomings.

While I'm on the topic of perseverance and surrendering. . .I want to ask for prayer. 

Passion 2012 is coming up super-fast (47 days!) and I could certainly use prayer for strength, wisdom, energy and foresight.  This four day gathering is going to change people's lives forever and I am so honored to be a part of it!  Not at all a coincidence that this is when God is choosing to teach me about perseverance and surrender!

 Me showing off my Passion 2012 t-shirt

O Christ, do not give me tasks equal to my powers,

but give me powers equal to my tasks,

for I want to be stretched by things too great for me,

I want to grow through the greatness of my tasks,

but I shall need your help for the growing

E. Stanley Jones

Lift Up Your Eyes ~ The Void

Leave the circumstances in our life that cause us to rely on You.  We welcome the lessons, we welcome the hardships - because that is how You show up in our lives.  Where there is a void - You fill it.  

We recognize this and long for this.  Lord - fill our hearts.  Fill our empty humanity with your outstanding faithfulness.  We are expectant for you - because we KNOW You always show up.

You are our strong tower and You are our refuge. 

Sound of the Underground

At this point - I'm not even sure where I found this.  I saved  this from years ago and recently ran across it.  This is my heart, this is my passion - this is what this generation can achieve!


So this guy comes up to me and says, "What's the vision? What's the big idea?" I open my mouth and words come out like this.

The vision? The vision is Jesus - obsessively, dangerously, undeniably Jesus. The vision is an army of young people. You see bones? I see an army. And they are free from materialism. They laugh at 9-5 little prisons. They could eat caviar on Monday and crusts on Tuesday. They wouldn't even notice. They know the meaning of the matrix and the way the west was won. They are mobile like the wind, they belong to the nations. They need no passport. People write their addresses in pencil and wonder at their strange existence. They are free, yet they are slaves of the hurting and dirty and dying. 


What is the vision? The vision is holiness that hurts the eyes. It makes children laugh and adults angry. It gave up the game of minimum integrity long ago to reach for the stars. It scorns the good and strains for the best. It is dangerously pure. Light flickers from every secret motive, every private conversation. It loves people away from their suicide leaps, their satan games. This is an army that will lay down its life for the cause. A million times a day its soldiers choose to loose that they might one day gain the great "well done" of faithful sons and daughters. Such heroes are as radical on Monday morning as Sunday night. They don't need fame from names. Instead they grin quietly upwards and hear the crowds chant again and again: "come on!!" 


And this is the sound of the underground, the whisper of history in the making, foundations shaking, revolutionaries dreaming once again. Mystery is scheming in whispers, conspiracy is breaking, this is the sound of the underground.And the army is disciplined. Young people who beat their bodies into submission. Every soldier would take a bullet for his comrade at arms. The tattoo on their backs boasts "For me to live is Christ and to die is gain." Sacrifice fuels the fire of victory in their upward eyes. Winners, martyrs. Who can stop them? Can failure succeed? Can fear scare them or death kill them? 


And the generation prays like a dying man with grouns beyond talking, with warrior cries, sulphuric tears and with great barrow loads of laughter! Waiting. Watching. 24/7/365. Whatever it takes they will give. Breaking the rules. Shaking meiocrity from its labels, fasting essentials. The advertisers cannot mold them. Hollywood cannot hold them. Peer pressure is powerless to take their resolve at late night partiers before the cockrel cries. They are incredibly cool, dangerously attractive inside. On the outside? They hardly care. They wear clothes like costumes to communicate and celebrate but never to hide. Would they surrender their image or their popularity? They would lay down their very lives, swap seats with the man on death row, guilty as hell. A throne for an electric chair. With blood and sweat and many tears, with sleepless nights and fruitless days, they pray as if it all depends on God and live as if it all depends on them. 


Their DNA chooses Jesus. He breathes out, they breathe in. Their subconscious sings. They had a blood transfusion with Jesus. Don't you hear them coming? Herald the weirdos! Summon the losers and the freaks. Here come the frightened and forgotten with fire in their eyes. They walk tall and tress applaud, skyscrapers bow, mountains are dwarfed by these children of another dimension. Their prayers summon the hounds of heaven and invoke the ancient dream of Eden. And this vision will be. It will come to pass; it will come easily; it will come soon. How do I know? Because this is the longing of creation itself, the groaning of the spirit, the very dream of God. My tomorrow is His today. My distant hope is his 3-D. And my feeble, whispered, faithless prayer invokes a thunderous, resounding, bone shaking great "Amen!" from countless angels, from heroes of the faith, from Christ Himself. And He is the original dreamer, the ultimate winner.

Vulnerable Me

Twice in the past several weeks I have had someone tell me how much they appreciate my realness.  They mean this as a compliment and I try to take it as a compliment - but a bit of fear always rises within me.

Am I too real?  Too open?

Do I share too much about myself?

Do others find my honesty to be disconcerting?

Should I be an open book?

Years ago, when I was just ten years old someone dear to me said, "Don't ever lose your emotion Courtney, it's what defines you"  To this day I think of that, whenever I question my vulnerability . . . I remind myself that this is what sets me apart.

What's interesting about being real is that you tend to expect real in return.  When I don't receive realness from others, I feel let down.  Our world does not cater to being authentic, our world encourages masks.  Christianity pressures plastered smiles and phrases such as "I'm fine" when our hearts are breaking.  Society pushes us to showcase success with what we own and how we look, whether we've found it or not.  Our culture expects us to like a type of music or buy certain clothes, because it is the in thing this week.  But years from now, when all these masks come tumbling out of our closets - will we know who we really are?

What did we fight for? Who did we defend? What did we invest in? Who did we love? 

Lift Up Your Eyes ~ Wants

I've found myself wanting many things lately.  Well, things isn't the best word.  I've found myself wishing certain circumstantial things were different.  In some cases wanting the experiences that others have or the opportunities others are offered.  I struggle with discontentment. . .always wanting to move on to the next thing.  

Even with all of my childlike thoughts, God has been so good to me this year.  He says no to certain things, but then He says yes to much bigger things.  Like so many times before I realize that He is looking out for me.  He has my back, He intercedes for me at the throne of God and He will never let me down.  Where would I be without this truth?

He closes doors to protect me.  He presents challenges to mature me.  He turns my path to stretch me.  He puts me in unknown places to bless me.  Let's not miss out on the journey by thinking about the next thing - be present in the present.

Lift Up Your Eyes ~ Thankfulness

This would change things a bit, wouldn't it? If the things God gave us, were only the things we were actively grateful for?  I've been reading, "One Thousand Gifts" and while I've only finished a few chapters, Ann Voskamp writes about thankfulness in a way that is balm to my soul.  I've always been someone that appreciates the simple things - the smell of homemade spaghetti sauce simmering on the stove, the feel of the air right before a thunderstorm, and the way fallen leaves crackle underneath my shoes on an autumn day.  Why do these things bring me such joy? It's the simple things that remind me that I am alive and that God is in all things.

We are a generation that takes so much for granted. We have countless expectations of what we deserve.  Yet we have already been given so very much.  Take a minute today to write down ten things you are grateful for - even share them here if you want.  It's good to remind ourselves of what we have - so that we can fully embrace all we have been given.

I am thankful for. . .

a faithful savior

a tender heart

a community of believers

a degree that is in sight

many confirmations to a calling

new & old friendships

the joy of cooking & creating

words that ring true to my heart

worship songs

new beginnings

A Different Kind of Worship

Tonight, instead of worshiping with song we worshiped with our actions. Over 300 college age students made 500+ PB&J sandwiches that will be distributed to homeless people in the Atlanta area.

Each student wrote an encouraging word that was taped to the bagged sandwich. 

Praying this small act of worship changes lives.

Lift Up Your Eyes ~ Take Responsibility For Your Actions

This past weekend Caleb and I were studying at our local Starbucks.  I think that Caleb has a sign across his forehead that says, "talk to me" because whenever we are at Starbucks he encounters people eager to have a conversation.  This 40 year old guy, we'll call him Steve, within 5 minutes was engaged in conversation with Caleb about computers and school.  He mentioned that he was completing his Bachelors degree and that he wanted to move on to get his Masters degree.


Then he says, "My school will employee me as a recruiter which will pay me about 20k a year and I'll get my Masters degree for free." Caleb's response, "well that's great! that sounds like the equivalent of 50k a year while a student" and then Steve says, "yeah and it keeps me from having to pay barely any child support because it's not listed as income"  Uh, excuse me? 


I came so close to turning around and saying, "what kind of guy tries to skip out on paying child support for HIS children?"  Now I wish I had. I just don't understand the thought process.  Reasonably providing for your offspring is your responsibility for at least 18 years.  So who does he think should provide for his children? His wife? who is now a single mom and is already taking care of them full time? His parents? His friends? The government?

How can we teach this generation to take responsibility for their choices and their life?  How can we convince them that passing the buck off to the next person is not the solution.  We are accountable for our decisions and for the life we choose to lead - I think once this truth sinks in it develops maturity that cannot be taught.

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Our Generation

Don’t fool yourselves.  We are raising the next generation up – right now, as we speak.  Our words will define them – will shape them into who they will become.  If we are not an example, who will be?  These are not just children – not just adolescents – these are the next policy makers, law creators, cancer curers, heart menders, and most important of all, fathers and mothers – this is the next generation!  Take responsibility, play a part in their story.  Judgement and condemnation – do away with it.  Confidence and conviction cannot grow in soil comprised of discouragement and shame.  Love them with Christ's love and strive to protect their hearts.  Offer them wisdom and give them affirmation.  They are the future.

Lift Up Your Eyes ~ Persistent Faith

photo credit

Jesus told them a story showing that it was necessary for them to pray consistently and never quit. He said, "There was once a judge in some city who never gave God a thought and cared nothing for people. A widow in that city kept after him: 'My rights are being violated. Protect me!'


"He never gave her the time of day. But after this went on and on he said to himself, 'I care nothing what God thinks, even less what people think. But because this widow won't quit badgering me, I'd better do something and see that she gets justice—otherwise I'm going to end up beaten black-and-blue by her pounding.'"



Then the Master said, "Do you hear what that judge, corrupt as he is, is saying? So what makes you think God won't step in and work justice for his chosen people, who continue to cry out for help? Won't he stick up for them? I assure you, he will. He will not drag his feet. But how much of that kind of persistent faith will the Son of Man find on the earth when he returns?"


Luke 18:1-8

A Mountain Hike

love all of the green ~ signs of new life

outside at dusk. . .the calm of another day coming to rest

with the knowledge that tomorrow is a brand new day

I love this glimpse of our city - praying blessings, healing, and freedom over this city!

Tomorrow holds the possibility of the miraculous - live your life with expectancy!

Lift Up Your Eyes ~ I Refuse

I heard this song on the radio the other day - and my heart was so blessed by God's confirmations.  He has been digging at my heart, creating waves in my simple plans.  What peace to know that God knows my future. . .I have never been more sure of that.

Sometimes I, I just want to close my eyes

And act like everyone's alright

When I know they're not

This world needs God, but it's easier to stand and watch

I could pray a prayer and just move on

Like nothing's wrong

But I Refuse

I don't want to live like I don't care

I don't want to say another empty prayer

Oh, I refuse to sit around and wait for someone else

To do what God has called me to do myself

I could choose not to move

But I refuse

I can hear the least of these, crying out so desperately

And I know we are the hands and feet of You, oh God

So if You say move, it's time for me to follow through

And do what I was made to do

And show them who You are

I don't want to live like I don't care

I don't want to say another empty prayer

Oh, I refuse to sit around and wait for someone else

To do what God has called me to do myself

I could choose not to move

But I refuse

I refuse to stand and watch the weary and lost cry out for help

I refuse to turn my back and try and act like all is well

I refuse to stay unchanged, to wait another day to die to myself

I refuse to make one more excuse

I don't want to live like I don't care

I don't want to say another empty prayer

Oh, I refuse to sit around and wait for someone else

To do what God has called me to do myself

I could choose not to move

But I refuse