Marriage ~ Looking In The Same Direction

Yesterday Caleb and I were talking about marriage, length of relationships, what makes them work, what doesn't work, etc.  We both agreed that the number one thing that has made our marriage strong is remembering that we are on the SAME team.

In a world where being your own person is always talked about and loving your spouse for who they are is rarely talked about, we're trained from an early age to think about  marriage in the wrong way.

Caleb and I are completely different.  Completely.  If you know me in real life, say amen. AMEN.

But it works for us.  We've had our hard times where I've wondered how I could marry someone so disorganized and he's probably wondered how he found the most OCD person on the planet, but we're both learning to compromise - to meet each other halfway.  This means that dirty dishes stay in the kitchen overnight, but not for a month week. Ahem.

Here's the key though - if we're going to be different than our spouse, we need to realize that they are different from us.  What?  This means they don't approach life exactly like we do and it also means they react differently.  This doesn't make them wrong - this makes them different.  The Five Love Languages by Dr. Chapman is one of the best books you will ever read in regards to this.  Learning your spouse's love language is KEY!

We're a self centered generation, it's true.  The sooner we all realize that, the sooner we can fix it.  I was talking to a close friend about marriage a few weeks ago and she said, "I want to approach marriage with the intent of making my husband the happiest he's ever been." Can you imagine what this simple act would do for marriage in our generation?

We'd talk a little less about ourselves and we'd be thinking of ways to bless our spouse.  We'd worry a little bit less about our happiness and a little bit more about theirs.  This is called cause and effect people.  This type of thinking would get us the effect we're all looking for - a better marriage.

Marriage is on the battlefield right now - it's being fought over ferociously.  The world is teaching us to find ourselves (oh dear), to find someone that completes us (no one can do this),  and to live life before you settle down (so marriage is not living life?).  I'm passionate about this people because this is MY generation that is experiencing the attack on marriage.  Recognize the problems in your marriage for what they probably are - an attack.  Don't fight against your spouse, fight against the situation, the lies, the incorrect perceptions - these are what you need to be fighting against.  If you and your spouse can choose to be a team and to take on life as a team, your marriage will thrive.

Found this printable this morning that is perfect for anyone trying to re-pattern their thinking on marriage.

It's a Crafty Life

Young Love

I'm in a reminiscing mood tonight.  I wrote this poem about Caleb when I was sixteen.  When we were planning our wedding, I found it and I ended up including it in our wedding program because it was so very descriptive of our love story.  Tonight, I found it again.  

photo courtesy of redaisy

his armour rusty

his sword bent out of place

his eyes shielded from love

with scars upon his face

he's what they call a knight

in rusty armour to be exact

he's fought alot of battles

some unknown, some an act

he's worn, he's tired

ready to pass through this life

yet, other plans are ahead

added to his pain, comes strife

into his world, comes a princess

alone, sad and afraid

she's searching for an answer

yet the answer has already been made

he's to save her

yet she can't understand why

he's a tired knight, in rusty armour

so she sits down, and cries

she feels an arm around her

and looks up to see his face

his eyes are now shining

the scars have been erased

her refuge has become

his hands, tired and worn

for in his simple touch

his very love is sworn

though the battle goes on around them

in their hearts, they have a dream

that one day they will be free

so they fight, no matter how hard it seems

yes, he calls her a princess

others call him a knight

isn't it both these two together

that always win their fight?

Broken People

For the last few months, Caleb and I have been reading a book called Love & War by John and Stasi Eldredge, the authors of Wild at Heart and Captivating.  This book tackles issues that most, if not all marriages deal with, in a very open and real way.  There have been several times while Caleb and I have been reading that we have both stopped and said, “It’s not just us? Good!” It is nice to know that we are not alone and that all marriages weather storms from time to time.  I am so thankful that Caleb and I both have God to turn to as the ultimate story writer of our lives.  I recommend this book whole-heartedly for couples to read together to deepen their understanding of each other.  I am a firm believer that marriages thrive when they are nurtured.


This morning we were reading and the chapter was in regards to various storms of life, be it spiritual warfare, seasons of life, brokenness, or the world. The part of the chapter that really stood out to me was not completely about marriage, but about humanity as a whole.

The authors write, “You can’t demand the broken to live as if they were whole.  Discipline is not the issue; apply discipline and you’ll make it worse. What is needed is healing.”  Just let that sink in.  It is amazing to me how many times I have heard preached, that if things are going wrong in your life or you are experiencing troubles, there must be some sin that is causing these problems.  If you go back to the story of Job, you will find that his friends said the exact same thing.  They told him again and again that there must be some sin he was committing that was causing God to inflict the misery that Job was experiencing.  Unbeknownst to Job’s “good intentioned” friends, Job was righteous and God was simply allowing trials into Job’s life to test and strengthen him.

As humans, we tend to want to categorize everyone, but there is not one box to put everyone in.  We cannot say that if someone is experiencing pain or trials that they just need to go to church and read their Bible more.  While seeking God is always the first step, sometimes there is healing that must be done as well.  Just because God has come to live in our hearts does not mean that we are no longer very human.  We live on an earth filled with broken people and pain and there is no escaping it.

One of the worst things for us to do as Christians is slap a band-aid of righteousness on a wounded person and expect the person’s heart to heal.  Prayer is needed. Wise counsel is needed. Tears are needed.  No one needs to feel guilty that they are struggling, we all struggle!

My point is, remember, “You can’t demand the broken to live as if they were whole.”  No one is perfect.  Jesus came so that we might have life! My prayer is that I daily realize the depth of God’s unconditional love and comprehend it enough to share that same love with others.