Foot in Mouth

You know those times when you wish you could take back something someone said, for their sake? 

A few days ago, I went to Publix to snag a few deals before the sale ended. I loaded my groceries onto the counter, handed them my reusable bags (because I remembered!), and I started talking to the cashier while she scanned my groceries.  In the following two minutes, the young boy bagging my groceries learned two very valuable life lessons.  Now to his credit he was trying to be personable.  Someone needs to give him the, “How to Win Friends and Influence People” book.

Bag boy: So, are you pregnant?

(Instant hurricane of thoughts enter my head! Am I pregnant? What? Is this a nightmare? Am I getting punked? Is this sweater that bulky?)

Me: uh, no…why?!?

Bag boy: (obviously embarrassed) well, you bought pregnancy juice.

(what the heck is pregnancy juice?)

Me: I WHAT? Pregnancy juice?!?

Bag boy: (pulls “pregnancy juice” out of my bag) See, it even has a heart on it!

(relief that I did NOT buy pregnancy juice  and in fact, the joke is on him)

Me: oh…that is pomegranate juice, not pregnancy juice.

Bag boy: Oh! Well I was going to say you weren’t that far along if you were pregnant.

Well that makes it all better. Thank you for the heart attack.

Lesson #1 – Never, ever ask a woman if she is pregnant. Ever. Really, NOTHING good can come from it.

Lesson #2 – Know the difference between ‘pregnancy juice’ and ‘pomegranate juice’  Just saying.  It might come in handy.