Vulnerable Me

Twice in the past several weeks I have had someone tell me how much they appreciate my realness.  They mean this as a compliment and I try to take it as a compliment - but a bit of fear always rises within me.

Am I too real?  Too open?

Do I share too much about myself?

Do others find my honesty to be disconcerting?

Should I be an open book?

Years ago, when I was just ten years old someone dear to me said, "Don't ever lose your emotion Courtney, it's what defines you"  To this day I think of that, whenever I question my vulnerability . . . I remind myself that this is what sets me apart.

What's interesting about being real is that you tend to expect real in return.  When I don't receive realness from others, I feel let down.  Our world does not cater to being authentic, our world encourages masks.  Christianity pressures plastered smiles and phrases such as "I'm fine" when our hearts are breaking.  Society pushes us to showcase success with what we own and how we look, whether we've found it or not.  Our culture expects us to like a type of music or buy certain clothes, because it is the in thing this week.  But years from now, when all these masks come tumbling out of our closets - will we know who we really are?

What did we fight for? Who did we defend? What did we invest in? Who did we love?